


Through Eyes of Starlight and Starfall

by Kitashi



Series: Through Eyes of Courts and Fate [13]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Rated mostly for language, What kind of Rhysand fic would this be if there wasn't swearing?, because really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 13:46:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7270726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitashi/pseuds/Kitashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhys's POV of Starfall from Chapter 44-45 of A Court of Mist and Fury.</p><p>It's been fifty years since he's seen Starfall. He's not even sure he can enjoy it anymore, after all he's been through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through Eyes of Starlight and Starfall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starsmayfall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsmayfall/gifts).



> Hello everyone!
> 
> Three Rhysand fics. Three. In a row. Out of now five fics.
> 
> I have a problem you guys.
> 
> I literally started this fic on Saturday before I went to dinner with a friend. Never mind that I had two other fics already in progress (now four because of requests on Tumblr and my own insanity).
> 
> But when Rhys wants to be written, he demands to be written. XD
> 
> I've wanted to write this one for a while though (since before Dreams and Deadly Grace), and also got a request from starsmayfall for it, so this is a gift as well. I particularly love this scene in ACOMAF. I hope I did it justice!
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this though, so I hope you feel the same reading it. Thank you all for your continued support! <3
> 
> In any case, as usual:
> 
> THIS CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS FOR BOTH BOOKS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
> 
> Enjoy! :D

“Remind me again why you aren't escorting Feyre yourself tonight, brother?” Cassian asked.

I let out a light growl. “Same reason you aren't escorting that girl you met at Rita’s the other night. I’d like to make it through tonight with my balls intact.” Cassian let out a low chuckle.

“At least my balls are getting some attention. Though you two looked like you were enjoying yourselves on your throne-”

“Finish that sentence, and I’ll be looking for a new general before the night is over.”

Cassian merely grinned, his goal of irritating me complete. Not that it had taken much over the last few days.

I’d been doing everything I could to avoid Feyre since our visit to the Hewn City. I stayed at the House of Wind, going flying when the claustrophobia got really bad and I needed to get away. Ignoring her attempts to contact me because I didn't want to start thinking again about how _right_ she was. I was everything she said. Who would want to bother with the kind of mess I was?

I’d let my temper get the best of me. I _let_ Keir’s comment to Feyre provoke me, even though I knew better. I’d been called worse, and I was sure she probably had too. But hearing him call her the same thing I heard hissed at me as I passed for fifty years… _whore_.

It made my blood boil all over again just thinking about it. Breaking Keir's arm in four places and his pinky suddenly didn't seem like enough.

“I’ll see you at the party?” Cassian asked, drawing me out of my thoughts. He was completely ready, and cleaned up nice when he actually did his hair and put on a nice tunic. I had no doubt he’d charm someone into his bed before the end of the night. I nodded.

“I’ll be there shortly.” He walked towards the balcony, ready to take off. Suddenly, he paused and turned around.

“I’ll tell Feyre she looks nice for you.” I growled as he let out a laugh as he jumped off the balcony and flew away before I could throw something at him.

I could hear the party starting downstairs, the citizens of Velaris chattering and waiting for Starfall to begin all around the House.

I knew I had to join them soon. Even though I wasn't required to be there, it would be noticed if I wasn't. But the memories of what that bitch did to me, what she had _me_ do every Starfall, simply because she knew what that night meant to me… it still gave me nightmares.

I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts from my head. I had stalled long enough. I grabbed my black jacket and put it on, smoothing my hair back one last time. I was as ready as I was going to be.

\---

I entered the crowds of people congregating on the patio, doing my best to blend without getting caught in a conversation. The low lighting helped me hide, but I couldn't help but flinch whenever I saw red, as though _she_ was going to come out of the shadows at any moment and beckon me like she always did with that ugly, simpering smile.

Suddenly, something sparkled from the corner of my eye. I turned towards it and felt my breath catch and my brain go completely blank, except for one name.

Feyre.

She stood with Mor off to the side, deep in conversation. She wore a gown of tiny sparkling gemstones, the modesty of the neckline negated by the fact that it clung to every curve and pooled at her feet like liquid starlight. The sleeves were tight at the wrists with diamonds surrounding them. Her hair was swept away from her face with sparkling combs, only for the rest of it to drape down her back in a curtain of golden-brown. She looked like sparkling sin, and _damn_.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was walking towards her like a man possessed. Which in truth, I probably was.

“I’ve had lovers,” Mor told her, “but… I get bored. And Cassian has had them, too, so don't get that unrequited-love, moony-woo-woo look. He just wants what he can't have, and it’s irritated him for centuries that I walked away and never looked back.” I realized she must have told Feyre her story. About the Incident.

“Oh, it drives him insane,” I said, walking up behind Feyre. She jumped at the sound of my voice. I circled her, eyeing her rather delicious looking outfit. She crossed her arms, looking irritated with me. I paused, unable to hold back a smirk. “You look like a woman again.” It was amazing how much better she looked, remembering the starving wretch Mor had put in my arms after getting her out of the Spring Court.

“You really know how to compliment females, cousin,” Mor said. I held back the urge to give her a vulgar gesture as she patted me on the shoulder and walked away to say hello to someone. Leaving Feyre and I by ourselves.

She tried not to look at me. Tried- and failed. Her gaze particularly lingered on my chest tattoos that I knew were peeking through my white shirt. I had left it unbuttoned at the neck on purpose; I had to give the ladies… well, _lady_ something to ogle, after all. Even if she hated me.

“Did you plan to ignore me some more,” she said coolly.

“I’m here now, aren't I? I wouldn't want you to call me a hateful coward again.” Two could play that game.

She opened her mouth, but quickly shut it, and I knew I had said the wrong thing. She looked around, likely for someone, _anyone_ else, to talk to.

“I wasn't punishing you,” I found myself saying, hoarsely. “I just… I needed time.”

She had no idea how much her words had stung. Even if they were true. She gestured to the party around us. “Will you please tell me what this… gathering is about?” Her annoyance at not being told was almost comical. But we couldn't tell her; it wasn't every century you got a chance to see someone experience Starfall for the first time.

I stepped up behind her, snorting as I said into her ear, “Look up.”

She did, just as the rest of the crowd hushed and did the same.

“No speech for your guests?” she murmured. Her tone as though we hadn't been fighting for days, or even about to a few moments ago. Like things were normal again.

“Tonight's not about me, though my presence is appreciated and noted. Tonight is about that.” I pointed up.

A star vaulted across the sky, bright and close. The crowd cheered around us, raising their glasses and drinking only once it had disappeared over the horizon. I felt my heart clench at the sight. It had been fifty years since I had last seen this. Fifty years.

Feyre leaned back a step into me, but quickly stepped away. No surprise. As pleasant as it had been for me to show no restraint, we'd done enough damage in the Court of Nightmares in far too similar a position.

Another star crossed the sky, quickly followed by another, and another. And then the real show began.

Thousands of starlights cascaded over us, lighting up Velaris in white and blue, living fireworks dancing overhead. I dared to look down at Feyre's reaction, and felt my heart skip a beat.

She looked at the sky with such awe, her steel gray eyes unblinking, as though if she looked away for even a moment it would disappear.

Everyone around us began to dance, spinning to the drums, strings, and harps. Joyous, heartfelt movements and smiles.

We lingered on the edge of it all, watching as they danced, hands upraised as though they would reach the stars flying overhead.

I saw Mor, Azriel, and Cassian, the three dancing together, Mor’s head tipped back to the sky, arms up. Dancing as though it could be the last time she did so, moving between Azriel and Cassian perfectly in sync.

I smiled sadly. I could never tell them fully what I had done, what I’d gone through, though it was not for a lack of trying on their part to find out. I just couldn't. Especially not about tonight.

This is what I had done it for. So that they could survive. And I could never tell them.

I looked down and noticed Feyre was looking at me, her expression curious and her brow creased with worry.

“Come,” I said, holding out a hand to her. “There's a better view. Quieter.”

\---

I led her to a small private balcony jutting from the upper level of the House, the music and dancing still in full swing below us as the stars wheeled by us.

I let her hand go as she took a seat on the balcony rail, and let out a chuckle as she quickly got down and took a large step back once she realized how high up we were.

“If you fell, you know I’d bother to save you before you hit the ground.”

“But not until I was close to death?”

“Maybe.”

She leaned a hand on the railing. “As punishment for what I said to you?”

“I said some horrible things, too,” I murmured.

“I didn't mean it,” she blurted out suddenly. “I meant it more about myself than you. And I’m sorry.”

As floored as I was at her apologizing, I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze. “You were right though,” I said. “I stayed away because you were right. Though I'm glad to hear my absence felt like a punishment.”

She snorted, but it lightened the mood considerably. “Any news with the orb or the queens? she asked, changing the subject.

“Nothing yet. We’re waiting for them to deign to reply.”

We settled into silence again as she looked at the stars careening past us.

“They're not- they're not stars at all.” She looked thunderstruck.

“No,” I said, coming up beside her at the rail. “Our ancestors thought they were, but… They're just spirits, on a yearly migration to somewhere. Why they pick this day to appear here, no one knows.” The lights of the star spirits made her dress glitter to the point she could have been one of them. It was mesmerizing, the crowd below us forgotten. She looked away from the stars to meet my gaze for a moment, before turning back.

“There must be hundreds of them,” she said in awe.

“Thousands. They’ll keep coming until dawn. Or, I hope they will. There were less and less of them the last time I witnessed Starfall.” Since Amarantha had locked me away. It hurt me to even think of her name. Maybe with time, I could heal. But it wouldn't be any time soon.

“What's happening to them?” She turned towards me. I shrugged.

“I wish I knew. But they keep coming back despite it.”

“Why?”

“Why does anything cling to something? Maybe they love wherever they're going so much that it's worth it. Maybe they'll keep coming back, until there's only one star left. Maybe that one star will make the trip forever, out of hope that someday- if it keeps coming back often enough- another star will find it again.”

She frowned, her gaze on the wine glass in her hand. “That's... a very sad thought.”

“Indeed.” I rested my forearms on the balcony edge, continuing to watch the stars.

We stood in silence for a long while. I wondered what she could be thinking, but I didn't dare ask. Suddenly, I felt I had to say something. I couldn't hold it back anymore.

“Every year that I was Under the Mountain and Starfall came around, Amarantha made sure that I… serviced her. The entire night. Starfall is no secret, even to outsiders- even the Court of Nightmares crawls out of the Hewn City to look up at the sky. So she knew… She knew what it meant to me.” The words poured out of me, a broken dam, no possibility of stopping or taking them back.

I couldn't believe I had just told her. Here I couldn't tell the friends who were basically my family, that I’d known nearly my entire life… But I could tell a woman I’d barely known a year, who hated me more often than she liked me, who thought I was a mess.

Smooth, Rhysand. Smooth.

She looked at me, her face sad and full of what looked like pity. “I'm sorry.”

“I got through it by reminding myself that my friends were safe; that Velaris was safe. Nothing else mattered, so long as I had that. She could use my body however she wanted. I didn't care.” There had come a point early on where I had walled off the shame and disgust I felt at being her plaything. Just so I could survive to maybe see Velaris again someday. To see my family again.

“So why aren't you down there with them? She asked.

“They don't know- what she did to me on Starfall. I don't want it to ruin their night.”

“I don't think it would. They’d be happy if you let them shoulder the burden.”

“The same way you rely on others to help with your own troubles?” We were both hypocrites.

We stared at each other, close enough to share breath. Her fingers grazed mine. I stayed still, barely breathing. She had to make the first move. She had too many things decided for her. She stroked a finger down mine. And as she turned to face me, something bright and tinkling suddenly hit her in the face.

She reeled back, crying out as she bent over, shielding her face. I let out a startled laugh.

She’d been hit by an off course star spirit.

She whirled on me. “I could have been blinded!” she hissed, shoving me. I took one look at her enraged face, offset by the pale green, iridescent glow of the star spirit that hit her.

And I laughed. Probably the first real laugh since I had been freed from Amarantha. Pure, unadulterated happiness flowed through me, as I attempted to compose myself before she punched me, and failing miserably. This feeling of joy… I’d forgotten what it felt like. And I didn't want it to stop.

She wiped at her face with her hand, and looked a cross between horrified, amused, and a little bit disgusted. She moved to wipe it off, but I grabbed her hands.

“Don't,” I said, still laughing. “It looks like your freckles are glowing.”

Her nostrils flared, and she moved to shove me again. I sidestepped her, veering towards the balcony rail.

Suddenly, something hit the side of my face, splattering against it.

“Shit!” I yelled, leaping back, putting my hands up to my eyes to protect them. I couldn't see, the light bright against my closed left eye. Feyre laughed, a cackling sort of laugh. And she kept laughing.

I slowly lowered my hands and dared to open my eyes. I looked down. They were covered in the stardust of a splattered spirit. It was beautiful in its own way, but I was slightly disgusted.

Suddenly, a smaller pair of hands came into my vision; Feyre's hands. I felt my back go rigid as she took one of my stardust covered hands and drew a little star in the dust on my palm. It tickled slightly, but I was so mesmerized that I hardly cared. I tightened my fingers on hers, causing her to look up at me. I grinned, the joy of just _being_ so contagious.

And then she smiled at me. I felt my own smile disappear, my lips parting in awe.

I could only imagine what we looked like to outsiders, but the dust spread across her face reminded me of the Night Court sky. Her smile though…

“Smile again,” I whispered.

She had never smiled for me, at least not consciously. And never laughed.

And then she smiled broadly, no restraint. Just joy.

“You're exquisite,” I breathed.

I wanted so badly to kiss her. It wouldn't even take much to close the distance between us.

“You owe me two thoughts- back from when I first came here. Tell me what you're thinking.”

Did we have to do this now? I wanted to scream. She really had the worst timing. I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to collect my thoughts into something coherent.

“You want to know why I didn't speak or see you?” I asked. “Because I was so convinced you’d throw me out on my ass. I just…” I dragged my hand through my hair and huffed a laugh. “I figured hiding was a better alternative.”

“Who would have thought the High Lord of the Night Court could be afraid of an illiterate human?” she purred. She had been clearly spending too much time with me; she was starting to sound like me. I grinned, nudging her with my elbow.

“That's one,” she said. “Tell me another thought.”

I looked at her mouth, that I had moments ago been contemplating kissing. “I'm wishing I could take back that kiss Under the Mountain.”

I hated thinking that my first kiss with her was to keep Amarantha from realizing that Tamlin had taken his moment of being unnoticed to go try to be with Feyre instead of getting her out of Amarantha’s clutches. The selfish prick. It had been rough, because I didn't have a choice. And it had cost me later.

“Why?” she asked. I looked at the hand she had painted the star on, the iridescent glow soothing.

“Because I didn't make it pleasant for you, and I was jealous and pissed off, and I knew you hated me.”

I looked up at her again. To my surprise, I could see my own feelings reflected in her face: a hunger, longing, and surprise.

She looked down and traced another line in the stardust. I didn't breathe.

“Do you- do you want to dance with me?” she whispered.

I was stunned. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After a moment, I managed to rasp out, “You want to dance?” I curled my fingers around hers.

She pointed with her chin, to the party still in full swing below us. “Down there- with them.”

I was stunned. The idea of spending Starfall with my friends, with the love of my life… I hadn't really thought it would be possible. Even if she didn't know what it meant to me. Though the smoldering look in her eyes was making it very difficult to want to leave the privacy of this balcony.

“Of course I’ll dance with you,” I said, my voice still raw. “All night, if you wish.”

“Even if I step on your toes?” her voice teasing.

“Even then.” I leaned in, and brushed my lips against her stardust painted cheek, her eyes fluttering shut. I knew if I actually kissed her, we would not be going back to the party tonight. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. And she deserved better than that.

I pulled away, seeing the imprint of my lips in the stardust, and gave her a true smile. “I am… very glad I met you, Feyre.”

She grabbed my hand and tugged on it insistently. “Come on,” she said. “Let's go join the dance.”

And so we did. I let her lead me to Mor, Azriel, and Cassian, who looked delighted, surprised, and smug, in that order.

“May we join you?” I asked. Mor gave me a sincere smile and held out her hand to Feyre, pulling us into their dance.

We danced, all of us together, letting the music guide our steps. I hadn't been so happy since before I had become High Lord. I laughed with Azriel, and drank with Mor. I stood off to the side with Cassian, finishing my drink and watching as Azriel and Mor led Feyre through a more complicated Night Court dance. The party was beginning to wind down, but there were still plenty of people.

“So, where did you two get off to?” Cassian asked, his tone clear what he was implying.

“The night isn't over Cassian. I can still find a new general.”

“Oh come on!” he whined. “Just give me something to work with. She clearly had _someone's_ lips on her cheek.”

“Shut up.”

“Prick.”

Just as I was about to say something scathing and inappropriate back, the music changed to something softer. Feyre looked at me from her dance, her starlit dress sparkling in the growing dawn, the silver taking on a golden hue.

She looked striking. I handed my drink to Cassian without another word, to his protests, and strode purposefully towards her. I held out my hand in silent invitation. She took it and I pulled her close to my chest, causing her to let out a squeak of surprise. I danced with her slowly, merely swaying with the music, and she fell into step easily. It was peaceful, and I wanted it to never end.

As the sun lit the streets of Velaris and the guests vacated the House of Wind, I picked her up and flew us back to the townhouse in comfortable silence. I deposited her in front of her room, and before I could stop myself, I kissed her brow once before walking down the hall to my own room.

As soon as I let the door close behind me, I wondered if I should go back. I could feel she was still awake. It wouldn't be-

I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

I pulled off my shirt and threw myself onto my bed.

I was asleep almost immediately, my body finally admitting defeat in the wake of all the dancing and drinking I’d done. But for the first time in fifty years, my dreams of Starfall were good.

And filled with a fallen star with golden-brown hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought! All comments and suggestions are welcome, & if you have a POV/scene you would really like to see, please let me know! Thank you for reading!
> 
> Also, I have a writing Tumblr now! If anyone is interested in talking and discussing ACOTAR, ACOMAF, or giving suggestions/asking questions, I can be found at http://kitashiwrites.tumblr.com.
> 
> Hope to see you there!


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